the saviour of SAA flight 1370 east london to cape town

i think its fantastic that dedicated airline staff are looking out for the safety of passengers like me. there is nothing more satisfying than a sense of security when you are airborne. this is why i am extremely grateful to the man who pulled me over at east london airport and told me that i would have to take the scissors out of my carry on luggage to be confiscated. "scissors?" i said... i didnt even know there were scissors in my bag. but after a while i found them, flimsy, blunt nosed and half the size of my hand, they had been hiding in my first aid kit. shock and awe! i had come so close to being forced into hijacking an aeroplane. i handed them over at once, got on the plane, and killed the pilot with my insulin injection pens. it wasnt nearly as fun as doing it with scissors...